Bare Knuckles

I just had a strange random memory, I remember when I was about 12 years old my dad, stepmom and I went to this cookout at one of her co-workers. I can remember it was out in bumble-fuck off route 206 and that I knew pretty much nobody there. So my parents do with me what parents do when they go to a social event, dumped me with a bunch of strange kids and went about enjoying themselves, at least I think that’s what parents do….I wouldn’t really know. So here I am with these kids, I’d say about 4 of them total, 2 I had met briefly at some other function.

At first it was like any other random cookout until the oldest kid decided it would be a good idea to have a boxing match. I was pretty nonchalant about it until I was drafted as one of the combatants, my first question was where are the gloves? I didn’t like the answer I received…so now here I am, in a strange place with strange people and I’m about to participate in a fight that has no animosity even remotely associated with it. At this point I had been in a shitload of schoolyard fights, I knew how to handle myself, but I was unsure how to fight someone without actually wanting to kick their ass. So the one kid kept time and his brother was the ref/judge and a girl (whom the winner should’ve gotten to mouthfuck) that was a spectator.
So at first I’m not tryin to hit heavy because even though we’re about the same size, I don’t want to hurt the kid.

We go through about 2 rounds before I stop caring if I’m hurting him, I was uncomfortable in the situation and I wanted it to end. Perhaps if we weren’t in plain view of the adults I would have been more down for the whole experience, I didn’t like the audience. Come to think of it, sitting around drinking beer and watching 12 year olds bare-knuckle box sounds like a fuckin rad afternoon to me. So back to the “rumble in bumble..fuck” we were finally in the scheduled final round and it was looking like I was gonna get the decision…I had experience on the kid, so it’s winding down within the last minute and the kid’s mom turns around and yells for him to kick my ass. That was IT, I had my fill of the whole situation and the suggestion of me getting MY ass kicked finally gave me the anger that was required, I went fucking aggro and let off a hook to the temple that was so hard I almost tried to stop it. Down he went, and the count was on…the one kid started to count and his brother told him that time was up about halfway through. Saved by the bell, but I still won the decision, the kid got some shots on me but I never left my feet and that would be the deciding factor. I was tank…a little mutt tank…I fucking ate lightening and crapped thunder.

Thinking back on that day I find myself wondering why I didn’t add the “winner get a blowie” stipulation…I suppose there is ignorance in youth. I have since retired from bare-knuckle boxing and actually haven’t been in a fight of any kind for over a full decade…one week before my 18th birthday. Kicking someone’s ass is impressive, but paying fines and probation will definitely NOT get you laid. What can I say? I’m a lover not a fighter…