Valentine’s Sham

Most humans are consumers, even vagrants consume the refuse of the higher classes. I, however, try to consume as little as possible…I generally don’t buy anything new. I like to buy videogames, a long running past-time, but as of recently I haven’t personally paid for a game in a year or so at least. I take what I have and I use it for trading on a specific web-site, very little money is exchanged and I don’t get raped by large chains with shitty resell values. You have to pretty much put a gun to my head to get me to shop for clothes, and I buy groceries because I do need to eat. There is so much needless shit in society these days it’s truly sickening.

I work with 2 guys who were making their last second Valentine’s Day purchases and they ridiculed me because I don’t buy my wife a bunch of low quality hallmark bullshit and over-priced flowers. First, my anniversary is 11 days after Valentine’s…second, I simply don’t believe in a holiday that was formed in America in the 1840′s to sell fucking stationary. St. Valentine was actually a collection of 11 different christian martyrs of the same name; “Valentinus”, so basically St. Valentine has nothing to do with love and relationships.

Most of the traditions that are associated with modern Valentine’s Day were actually invented in England during the 14th century, most notibly by Geoffrey Chaucer who was portayed in the gay movie A Knight’s Tale. The earliest known association of Valentine’s Day and “romantic love” was in Chaucer’s 700 word poem “Parlement of Foules”, written to honor the 1st anniversary of the engagement of King Richard II and Anne of Bohemia in 1382. Chaucer was most known for the literary masterpiece The Canterbury Tales and is actually known by some as the “father of English literature”, yet his greatest creation endures 600 years after his death. Sadly, his vision on the “Valentine’s Tradition” is what the day should be about, yet it is farther from his initial meaning than ever; true love.

So the actual origin of the holiday has been explained, but what did I mean about it being created in the 1840′s? It truely comes down to good ol’ American capitalism, but you’re not surprised I’m sure.

America first saw the Valentine’s Card mass produced in 1847 and sold by some twat named Esther from New England. Prior to this people would exchange love letters and actually share true feelings of love, not some fucking mass produced corporate drivel. Now Valentine’s Day is the second largest holiday for card-sending, which then prompted the dirt-bag diamond industry in the 1980′s to start whoring themselves out for cash. If there’s one thing I hate more than capitalist twats named Esther from New England it’s fucking jewelers…slimy pricks.

So there you have it, the history of Valentine’s Day…from a day that celebrated christian martyrs to a day of true love to a day of trying to swindle poor fuck-tards out of their hard earned cash. Congratulations humanity! Now I’m gonna go write my wife a well thought out love note that professes the very best of what she brings to my life…..and remind her about the $40 she owes me. She better not bullshit me or I’ll lovingly take it out of her ass.

Happy Valentines Day!!