Work is Bullshit
It gets harder every single day. I hate being nice, I hate it more than anything in the fucking world. I’m good at being decent, cordial even…but it physically pains me to “play nice” and small-talk someone. If I genuinely enjoy someone’s company it’s one thing, I like my friends and family…they intrigue me. My co-workers on the other hand, can die of horrible disfiguring diseases and I wouldn’t bat an eye…I don’t hate my co-workers though, I just hate everything about them and everything they stand for.
In my career I am a man amongst women, a cock among hundreds of hens…if you will. While women in general don’t bother me, these bitches give women a bad name. I fucking LOVE women! But I hate these catty, backstabbing, self absorbed-self promoting twat bags.
If I hear about another pair of fucking shoes they got on sale I’m gonna loose my fucking mind. Woohoo, you got fucking shoes at a slightly reduced rate….STOP THE PRESSES!!!!1!! OMFG!! Who cares? The person they are telling either hates them or is jealous of this great sale…so why even bother? I just don’t get it. The thing that I’ve noticed and find quite funny is that because I have a dick…and subsequently common sense, I am like a ghost here…transparent even. I could be sitting visibly in front of a group of women and they will shit on someone else as if I’m not even there. That’s pretty much the only perk.
While I’m speaking about stupid women in the workplace I’d like to take the time to complain about the cleaning women who like to vacuum during prime phone hours. It’s not the cleaner’s fault, after all they are mindless illegal Mexicans, but why the fuck do you vacuum at 10am? Do it at night when the fucking office is closed and you are not disturbing semi-intelligent individuals while they work, of course I stress the word “semi”.
I also get to enjoy the “Diet Pepsi Status” of the day about 3 days per week. For some reason a few of the holes here drink the slop that is Diet Pepsi, and they are not alone, the machine in this building runs out of Diet Pepsi fairly rapidly. So I get treated to a roundtable discussion about wether the machine has Diet Pepsi or not for that current day. Let’s dive into this one; the women drink DIET Pepsi, so I’d assume that they are trying to be somewhat healthy. In their minds it’s a diet soda, so it’s “less bad for you”….but it’s still bad, the stuff can clean shit-piss stains out of a toilet for christ sake. If you’re going the diet route then why not drink water? It’s free here, they got a whole 5 gallon jug of the shit situated on a neat little apparatus that either makes your water really hot or refreshingly cold. Well, at least I know it’s there the next time I hear the Diet Pepsi Status once again and feel the urge to throw scalding water into someone’s face.
I’m not the only male that works here, I am perhaps the only man though. I work with a couple of neutered douch-bags and a Columbian that just flat out rapes the system. My Columbian friend got the job about 7 years ago because he was fucking the boss lady’s neice at the time, they’ve since broken up and my friend empregnated some round-faced slob that treats him like shit. Strangley enough the boss lady still favors him even though he is hands down the worst employee in the history of employment….it annoys me and makes me happy at the same time. The rest of the guys here are pa-fucking-thetic, just squeaky clean shitbags that laugh at unfunny jokes and small talk about shit that no man would ever care to talk about naturally. The worst offender is this kid who’s some higher-up’s nephew, this kid is all up in the non-threatening conversations being all sassy! Just a man relating to women….UGH!!
Not me though, the women of the office seemingly “got the memo” about me. If they don’t directly work with me the women here avoid me like the plague, I guess I just don’t look very nice to talk to….
